Category Archives: Humour

A First Class Nut Case

Ms. Cho is so, so sorry
for the unintended worry
and the dreadful social uproar
she created
when she rated
her airline’s services as poor.

But any self-respecting South Korean
would understand the shame
when the macadamias came
not in a china dish
for this salty snack delish
was placed calmly on her tray
the cabin crew would say
resplendent in their jackets
“The nuts are served in packets
vacuum-sealed to keep them fresh.”

Hyun-ah proud and haughty
wagged her fingers, called them naughty
and summoned forth the Chief of all the crew
demanding that he tell her if he knew
if the in-flight rules were being followed
or was it in anarchy they wallowed.
He stumbled and he stuttered
swallowed, then muttered
he’d never thought this matter
was the least bit earth shattering.

“Nuts in a bag, are you insane?
You must be taken off this plane”
True to her word the flight turned round.
Until they landed not a sound
was heard within the cabin of that plane.
He was dropped back at JFK
and after some delay
they made their way again heading east.

But arriving eleven minutes late
Ms Cho had definitely sealed her fate
Notwithstanding Daddy’s power
as the airlines CEO
relations turned quite sour
his daughter forced to go
She lost each and every perk
that accompanied her work
her executive pay
all lost – such is the way.

So, finally in sum
Beware of a Cho tantrum
when you see that charming face
remember she’s a nut case
who in shrill and angry voice
made a devastating choice.

Never change an airline schedule
Never let your plane be late
Never waste expensive jet fuel
Or suffer Ms. Cho’s fate

Ms Cho ABC

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Filed under Humour, Madness, Poem

Karen Black ~ A Villanelle

My partner has a crush on Karen Black
He watches every movie and repeat
Anyone would wonder what they lack

As actors go, she surely is a hack
but “A Trilogy of Terror” is his treat
My partner has a crush on Karen Black

It’s not as if she has a fulsome rack
But something stirs his blood to boiling heat
Anyone would wonder what they lack

I dream of Idris Elba in the sack
Sheer perfection wrapped naked in a sheet
But my man has his crush on Karen Black

Her voice so harsh the underground would frack
Split layers of the earth beneath our feet
Her smiling face would every mirror crack

Despite all this, she seems to have the knack
To entice and tease every man to cheat
My partner has a crush on Karen Black
It makes me wonder what it is I lack

Karen Black & terror Doll

 

 

 

 

 

© M.L.Emmett 2015

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Filed under Humour, Love, Poem, Poetry Form

Sonnet II ~ Fifty Seven Winters

knight in shining armour

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fifty Seven winters besieged your brow
gouging deep ruts in your beauty paddock
Quick witted armoury surrendered now
sparking like the neurons of a haddock
The Celtic black hair so thick and so strong
Now salt and peppered grey and sparsely thin
And where has that fiery tempered man gone ?
My one time brave and fearless larrikin
You’d take up the cudgels, face any fight,
survive any skirmish, stoush or battle
Your banner unfurled for the good and right
But these days, nothing your cage can rattle
Arise my champion you are not too old
A thousand warm nights before you grow cold.

First published in THE MOZZIE,Volume 14, Issue 6, July 2006

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Filed under Humour, Love, Poem, Poetry Form, Seasons, Time

The Big Mama Goth

Gothic Dark Soul

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Mama Goth with ready smile
that hides the gritted teeth and steady bile
that slides across your tongue.

No man to warm your bed
or suck that darkness settled in your head
or draw the poison from the wound.

You spin the web and catch your prey
You reel them in day after day
Your praises must be sung

The weak, the lost, the old and those alone
you hypnotise with sweet and deadly tone
the hiss not heard beneath the dulcet sound.

Your anger adder is wrapped around you tight
but slithers out from your dress of night
and spits its venom with sudden spurt.

The randomness of these attacks
Alerts some to carefully watch their backs
Become resistant to the pain and hurt.

To work with you means to live your lies
Pretend its the truth and avert their eyes
To confront your bullying too profound

So you fool the foolish with gossip and rumour
All mixed in with your sickly sweet humour
As you bite again your vicious tongue

But Big Mama Goth your power is draining
Your audience numbers are sadly waning

© M.L.Emmett

 

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Filed under Australian Poetry, Humour, Poem

Drilling for Eloquence

Lips

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to drill for eloquence
that oil that seeps
easily out of her lips
every time she speaks

I want to pump it
in pristine, perfect pipes
around Australia

So even in the bush,
people can sound
like 18th or 19th Century,
top of the League Table,
English poets.

We’ll seem polite and genteel
educated, even erudite.
We’ll hold moments
remembered in tranquility.

We’ll think of Grecian urns,
Kubla Khan in Xanadu
as an every day affair

Conversations will naturally turn
to La Belle Dame Sans Merci
Or Mort d’Arthur

Syrup, sweet word music
will fall softer than petals
blown from roses on the grass

Passions will be expressed
without exposing flesh.

© M.L.Emmett

SA Writers’ Centre: Humorous Poetry Competition, 2010
Winner as judged by Jude Aquilina

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Filed under Australian Poetry, Humour, Language, Poem

Dead Hand Playing

Each time I turn on my computer
Password – Accept
Open windows – click
Programs – click – to
Accessories – click – to
Games – click –

I find my dead brother
in the Microsoft Network
waiting to play a game
of cards called
Hearts.

© M.L.Emmett

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Filed under Death, Grief, Humour, Poem